Monday, June 27, 2011

Feels like it's been a while.

June 15th. How long ago was that? A few weeks ago? It feels longer. So, so much longer.

I've found a home. Well...not exactly. But I'm no longer wandering. After my battery completely failed on my laptop, I thought I was going to go crazy. I felt alone amongst these millions of people. Not a single person to cling to, no one to understand, sympathize. No one to talk to. I was on the verge of exploding from the sheer volume of words.

I'm so grateful of Ray. That she took me in without question...it's made me happier than I could have thought possible since I arrived here. For the first time I felt as though I might actually be able to survive here. Even though I know I must leave soon.

Ray's one of the few people I met in my many internet travels. I've never actually met her before, but we've talked quite a bit on various forums and chatrooms. She doesn't know anything about Slenderman, besides what I told her a long time ago, when I too was first learning of Him. Compared to what I've been through these last few months, her life seems perfect.

I miss my family dearly. I never thought I would. Perhaps the mouse wasn't ready to leave her hole just yet.

Lorraine's body was found in the woods last Sunday. There's nothing much I can say about that. I regret not being able to attend her funeral....but if she had her way, she would forgive me for not being there. She would have said I needn't be burdened by her....

I've started dreaming again; they're not the same dreams I had before. They're clearer, and more realistic. He hasn't appeared in any of them. I think they're dreams of what I'm missing. I had a bad one near the beginning of my trip here: my mother coming down the stairs, seeing the note, breaking down in sobs and screaming to the heavens...I'm not sure what to say about it. I know she misses me, but I can't go back. Not yet. Not if I want them to stay safe and happy.

They're at the beach now, if my newest dream is correct. Everyone's gone with them: my grandmother, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, my brother and his friend, my mother. My father is there too. He vowed never to speak to my mother's family after they divorced. In a sick way, it's almost as though my absence has brought everyone together. My mother still looks...I can't describe it.

Ray's brought lunch. Until next time.


  1. Why don't you run back little one? It's clear you're missed but have you ever thought that it's your fault? You killed her. You left your friend alone and she payed the price. Is it worth your life if the ones you want to help die? Your family will be next if you can't give him a reason not to hurt them. Come back and spare them. Don't make her death be in vain.

  2. She did not die because I left her alone. She died because I was too close. He killed her because He knew what it would do to me--there's not much any person can do without a friend. So I left, because I don't want the same thing to happen to my family. If I break the ties, and I can make it seem that they don't mean anything to me anymore, then they'll be safe.

    So fuck off.

  3. He doesn't care you know. Why not save Him the trouble and come back? All He wants is you.

  4. You do not understand because you are merely a puppet, Gebrochen Bauer. You are controlled and insane. You will never be welcomed anywhere, not even in your Father's arms. You are nothing.

  5. I have no father. He is all I have and all I will need. So I do as he bids to find purpose.